You may spend a lot of energy making sure everyone else is okay.

From the outside, you may seem thoughtful, reliable, easygoing, and emotionally aware. You notice what other people need, try not to disappoint anyone, and are often the person others can count on.

But inside, relationships can feel exhausting. You may spend so much time tracking how other people feel that it becomes hard to know what you feel, want, or need.

You worry a lot about how other people feel.

It is hard to say no, even when you want to.

You feel guilty when you prioritize yourself.

You avoid conflict because upsetting someone feels too risky.

You over-explain decisions so no one feels disappointed.

You may feel close to people without feeling fully known by them.

Over time, you may start to feel burnt out, resentful, or disconnected from your own wants and preferences.

People-pleasing can make you feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings.

People-pleasing does not always look obvious. It can look like kindness, flexibility, responsibility, emotional intelligence, or being easy to get along with. But when keeping other people comfortable starts costing you your own needs, the pattern can become exhausting.

You say yes when you mean no

Disappointing someone may feel worse than overextending yourself, so you agree and deal with the cost later.

You lose track of what you want

You can become so used to reading the room that your own preferences feel unclear, unimportant, or difficult to trust.

Resentment starts to build

You may keep helping, accommodating, or staying quiet, then feel guilty for wishing someone had noticed the cost to you.

You do not have to become selfish to have boundaries.

Hi, I’m Aïda 👋 You do not need to know exactly where these patterns came from. We can start with what feels hardest in your relationships right now, and go from there.

Book a Free 30-Minute Intro Call

✓ Phone or video ✓ Current openings available ✓ Evening and weekend options

Therapy can help you stay connected to yourself in relationships.

People-pleasing often develops for a reason. If being agreeable, helpful, or easy to manage once helped you avoid conflict, protect important relationships, or feel safer with other people, it makes sense that the pattern can feel hard to change.

In therapy, we can understand what your nervous system is expecting when you disappoint someone, disagree, say no, or take up more space. Rather than forcing yourself to “just set boundaries,” we work with the fear, guilt, or shame that can make boundaries feel dangerous.

Notice what you actually want before automatically agreeing.

Say no without treating someone else’s disappointment like an emergency.

Express a different opinion without assuming the relationship is at risk.

Tell the difference between responsibility and over-responsibility.

Set boundaries without abandoning yourself afterward.

Trust that kindness and authenticity can exist together.

The goal is not to make you less caring. It is to help you stay connected to yourself while you care about other people.

In therapy, you do not have to take care of me.

People-pleasing can show up in therapy too. You might hesitate before disagreeing, downplay your preferences, worry about taking up too much space, or try to give me the “right” answer.

Those moments are not problems to get rid of. They can help us understand what happens inside you when authenticity starts to feel risky.

You can disagree with me, tell me when something does not feel right, or let me know that you need something different.

Over time, therapy can become a place where your nervous system experiences that honesty, boundaries, and connection can coexist.

We notice the pattern, understand where it came from, and help you respond differently.

We will not force you to become more assertive before you feel ready. We slow the pattern down, understand what it is protecting, and help you try something new in a way that feels manageable.

Notice the pattern

We notice the moments when someone else’s disappointment, irritation, or need quickly becomes your responsibility.

Understand why it started

We explore how staying agreeable, reading the room, or avoiding conflict may once have helped you feel safer or stay connected.

Try something different

We practise expressing preferences, setting boundaries, tolerating guilt, and staying connected without giving yourself up.

We will move at a pace that feels manageable while helping you build more room for your own needs, preferences, and voice.

Meet in Surrey or online across BC & Ontario.

I offer in-person people-pleasing therapy from my South Surrey office, as well as online therapy for clients across British Columbia and Ontario.

In-person people-pleasing therapy in Surrey

Meet in a private, comfortable office on Croydon Drive in South Surrey.

Online people-pleasing therapy across BC and Ontario

Attend sessions securely by video from a space that feels comfortable and private.

Office: 15350 Croydon Dr, Suite 201, Office 15, Surrey, BC

Therapy room at InRelation Psychotherapy in Surrey, BC

Getting started is a simple process:

Book a free 30-minute Intro Call

Choose a phone or video time that works for you. Ongoing therapy sessions are $160 for 60 minutes.
Tell me a little about what has been hard

You do not need the right words or a full explanation.
See how it feels to talk with me

We can decide together whether therapy feels like the right next step.

Book a Free 30-Minute Intro Call

Phone or video · Current openings available

Potted plant beside an InRelation Psychotherapy card

Common questions about people-pleasing therapy.

How much does therapy cost?

My rate is $160 per 60-minute session. If you have an extended benefits or insurance plan through your employer that covers treatment with a Registered Clinical Counsellor or Registered Psychotherapist, you may be able to get reimbursed for the cost of your sessions. I provide receipts with the information needed for reimbursement and can direct bill in certain cases.

Can therapy help with people-pleasing?

Yes. People-pleasing therapy can help you understand why these patterns developed, why they can feel so difficult to change, and how to begin relating to yourself and others in a way that feels more balanced and authentic. Over time, many people notice more clarity about their needs, less guilt around boundaries, and less anxiety about disappointing others.

Why do I feel guilty when I say no?

For many people, guilt around saying no is tied to earlier experiences where conflict, disappointment, or other people’s emotions felt threatening. If being agreeable once helped maintain connection or safety, it makes sense that setting boundaries now might trigger guilt, anxiety, or shame.

Is people-pleasing the same as being kind?

Not exactly. Kindness usually comes from choice. People-pleasing often comes from fear, guilt, or a sense of responsibility for how others feel. Therapy can help you stay kind without abandoning yourself in the process.

Can people-pleasing be related to low self-esteem or codependency?

Yes. People-pleasing often overlaps with low self-esteem, codependency, relationship anxiety, and difficulty identifying your own needs. Many people who struggle with people-pleasing also notice patterns of self-doubt, over-responsibility, and losing themselves in relationships.

Is it possible to stop being a people-pleaser without becoming selfish?

Yes. People-pleasing therapy is not about becoming selfish or uncaring. It is about learning how to stay connected to yourself while remaining connected to others. Many people discover that when they begin expressing their needs and boundaries more clearly, their relationships become more balanced and authentic.

What does therapy for people-pleasing actually involve?

Therapy often involves understanding where these patterns came from, noticing how they show up in your current relationships, and gradually building more tolerance for honesty, boundaries, and authenticity. Rather than pushing you to change too quickly, therapy can help you move at a pace that feels emotionally safe.

Do you offer online people-pleasing therapy?

Yes. I offer in-person people-pleasing therapy in Surrey, BC, and online therapy across British Columbia and Ontario.

You can stay kind without giving yourself up.

Therapy can help you understand why approval, conflict, and other people’s emotions feel so powerful, while building more trust in your own needs, boundaries, and preferences.

Book a Free 30-Minute Intro Call

In-person people-pleasing therapy in Surrey, BC. Online therapy across Ontario and British Columbia.

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